Have you ever been defeated? Have you ever been so let down that you wanted to quit? Have you have been dispointed in your self? Me too. Let me explain...
I have not always wanted to be a teacher actually is something that snuck up behind my back and grabbed a hold of my heart. After working in child care for a few years I decided I wanted to make teaching young children my career. One of the things to get into my program at school is to pass a academic test called the Praxis 1/CASA. If you have ever had the pleasure of taking the test you know how nerve wreaking it is. Your whole career rest on this test because if you don't pass it you don't get to finish your degree.
This test is comprised of three basic areas reading, writing, and math. I passed reading and writing with my eyes closed but math was the bane of my existence. I kept on taking it and kept on failing. I was beginning to feel defeated, stupid, unworthy, disappointed, and everything else that you could think of. I tried everything reading about math and practice test. It was a nightmare that I thought I would never awake from. I started to question my choice of carrerr. I would cry every time I would walk away from the testing site wondering what was wrong with me thinking, "should I even become a teacher? What teacher kind of teacher can't even pass a test of basic high school math?" I even started to question if this is where God really wanted me. Was the reason that I wasn't passing this test because I really wasn't suppose to be doing Early Childhood Education? Did I miss the do not cross this line sign? I beat my self over and over again. I felt so lost.
Then I something occurred to me..... I was using a lot of I's. Did you know that God says in the bible,“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest".Matthew 11:28
I realized that I was trying to figure out this whole test thing alone. I tried to be superman and fix the problem myself. I didn't want to feel like a burden, and I didn't want people to see me with my guard down. I didn't want to seem weak, like I wasn't worthy enough to be a teacher. Teachers are suppose to be all knowing, have all the right answers, perfect, smart in all subjects RIGHT? WRONG!! I knew in order to pass this test something had to change, and I knew exactly what it was.
I had to stop being so shy and talk to people about it. Tell them my fears, tell them I suck at math, and most importantly ask for help. I have the greatest friends and family in the world! My family kept on encouraging me, like all great family does. My friends, took time our of their day to make study sessions. Imagine three girls sitting on a couch with a huge white board.
On this past Friday bright and early I was on my way to my eight time taking this test. Yes, I said eighth. I was an emotional wreak, in my car. I was trying to pray the biggest pray I have ever prayed, and I was laying it all out to God. As I was driving I was listening to Kari Jobe and every lyric said everything that I needed to hear.
"The ground began to shake The stone was rolled away His perfect love could not be overcome Now death where is your sting? Our resurrected King has rendered you defeated" Forever
"and even when life weighs heavy on me I know You're in control And You're all I need"
Song after song made me weep even more, and my heart was still anxious and doubtful, and fearful until the next song came on, it said this....
Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much
But You're here
You're real
I know, I can trust You
Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart (x2)
I'm not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of your hand
Each and every moment
What's good and what gets broken
Happens just the way that You plan
And I will run to You
And find refuge in Your arms
And I will sing to You
Cause of everything You are
You steady my heart (x2)
I put this song on repeat. I felt my heart rate slow down and I felt not totally uneasy but better than I was. I walked into PNC with the confidence that God has totally got it. He always had, I just don't think I believed it as much as I did in that moment.
Its crazy to think even as much as I know and love God sometimes I don't trust him with everything. Its like I think, I cant bring that to God cause He's got so much on his plate already. But that's not the case at all. GOD IS NEVER TOO BUSY!
22 “Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. 23 “Truly[a] I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them.24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25 And when you stand" Mark 11:22-25
God will move mountains for you. God is a SOVEREIGN GOD!!
God moved my mountain but on his timing not mine! After a lot of tears, disappointments, doubt, and hard work I finally passed my test. I will never be able to express my feelings in a way that you will ever understand. I do know that this whole process has taught me a lot.
First, its okay to be vulnerable, and ask for help. I don't know if I would have ever passed my test if it werent for Samantha and Courtney, sitting with me with a huge white board making sure I understood everything they taught me. Also for the countless prayers that I asked my family and friends for.
Second its okay to not be good at something. No one expects you to be perfect all the time. We are only human!
" for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," Romans 3:23 And still God loves us even through our imperfectness
Third you got to be prepared for God to not answer you when you want Him to. God's got his own perfect timing, and His own ways. Don't get discouraged when something doesn't happen instantaneously. It might not be that God is telling you no, just not yet.
Lastly and probably the most important NEVER GIVE UP!!!! EVER!!! C.S Lewis wrote, " hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny!"
I don't know what the future yet holds for me, but I know where ever this degree is going to take me GODS already been there He had got me right inside the palm of His hands.
So to those who are reading this...whatever you are going through whatever hardships you may be facing God has got you. Leave your worries at the the door. There is nothing to big that God can't handle, but remember it will be on God's time not yours.
Good Luck readers and I will be praying for you!.
I have not always wanted to be a teacher actually is something that snuck up behind my back and grabbed a hold of my heart. After working in child care for a few years I decided I wanted to make teaching young children my career. One of the things to get into my program at school is to pass a academic test called the Praxis 1/CASA. If you have ever had the pleasure of taking the test you know how nerve wreaking it is. Your whole career rest on this test because if you don't pass it you don't get to finish your degree.
This test is comprised of three basic areas reading, writing, and math. I passed reading and writing with my eyes closed but math was the bane of my existence. I kept on taking it and kept on failing. I was beginning to feel defeated, stupid, unworthy, disappointed, and everything else that you could think of. I tried everything reading about math and practice test. It was a nightmare that I thought I would never awake from. I started to question my choice of carrerr. I would cry every time I would walk away from the testing site wondering what was wrong with me thinking, "should I even become a teacher? What teacher kind of teacher can't even pass a test of basic high school math?" I even started to question if this is where God really wanted me. Was the reason that I wasn't passing this test because I really wasn't suppose to be doing Early Childhood Education? Did I miss the do not cross this line sign? I beat my self over and over again. I felt so lost.
Then I something occurred to me..... I was using a lot of I's. Did you know that God says in the bible,“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest".Matthew 11:28
I realized that I was trying to figure out this whole test thing alone. I tried to be superman and fix the problem myself. I didn't want to feel like a burden, and I didn't want people to see me with my guard down. I didn't want to seem weak, like I wasn't worthy enough to be a teacher. Teachers are suppose to be all knowing, have all the right answers, perfect, smart in all subjects RIGHT? WRONG!! I knew in order to pass this test something had to change, and I knew exactly what it was.
I had to stop being so shy and talk to people about it. Tell them my fears, tell them I suck at math, and most importantly ask for help. I have the greatest friends and family in the world! My family kept on encouraging me, like all great family does. My friends, took time our of their day to make study sessions. Imagine three girls sitting on a couch with a huge white board.
On this past Friday bright and early I was on my way to my eight time taking this test. Yes, I said eighth. I was an emotional wreak, in my car. I was trying to pray the biggest pray I have ever prayed, and I was laying it all out to God. As I was driving I was listening to Kari Jobe and every lyric said everything that I needed to hear.
"The ground began to shake The stone was rolled away His perfect love could not be overcome Now death where is your sting? Our resurrected King has rendered you defeated" Forever
"and even when life weighs heavy on me I know You're in control And You're all I need"
Song after song made me weep even more, and my heart was still anxious and doubtful, and fearful until the next song came on, it said this....
Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much
But You're here
You're real
I know, I can trust You
Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart (x2)
I'm not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of your hand
Each and every moment
What's good and what gets broken
Happens just the way that You plan
And I will run to You
And find refuge in Your arms
And I will sing to You
Cause of everything You are
You steady my heart (x2)
I put this song on repeat. I felt my heart rate slow down and I felt not totally uneasy but better than I was. I walked into PNC with the confidence that God has totally got it. He always had, I just don't think I believed it as much as I did in that moment.
Its crazy to think even as much as I know and love God sometimes I don't trust him with everything. Its like I think, I cant bring that to God cause He's got so much on his plate already. But that's not the case at all. GOD IS NEVER TOO BUSY!
22 “Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. 23 “Truly[a] I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them.24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25 And when you stand" Mark 11:22-25
God will move mountains for you. God is a SOVEREIGN GOD!!
God moved my mountain but on his timing not mine! After a lot of tears, disappointments, doubt, and hard work I finally passed my test. I will never be able to express my feelings in a way that you will ever understand. I do know that this whole process has taught me a lot.
First, its okay to be vulnerable, and ask for help. I don't know if I would have ever passed my test if it werent for Samantha and Courtney, sitting with me with a huge white board making sure I understood everything they taught me. Also for the countless prayers that I asked my family and friends for.
Second its okay to not be good at something. No one expects you to be perfect all the time. We are only human!
" for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," Romans 3:23 And still God loves us even through our imperfectness
Third you got to be prepared for God to not answer you when you want Him to. God's got his own perfect timing, and His own ways. Don't get discouraged when something doesn't happen instantaneously. It might not be that God is telling you no, just not yet.
Lastly and probably the most important NEVER GIVE UP!!!! EVER!!! C.S Lewis wrote, " hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny!"
I don't know what the future yet holds for me, but I know where ever this degree is going to take me GODS already been there He had got me right inside the palm of His hands.
So to those who are reading this...whatever you are going through whatever hardships you may be facing God has got you. Leave your worries at the the door. There is nothing to big that God can't handle, but remember it will be on God's time not yours.
Good Luck readers and I will be praying for you!.